Doubt can be fatal. One moment you're fine, doing everything just like you have a thousand times before. The suddenly you've let the doubt creep in and your mind goes blank. Your palms are sweating , you're casting around desperately to remember what comes next, you know what should be happening, and somehow it just isn't coming together.
I suppose I shouldn't have looked into his eyes. That's what started it. No, I don't mean the quick, flirty, glances, or the come-hither look that got him to my table in the first place. I mean a deep, prolonged, pierce-your-heart gaze, the type that says that this might actually be more than a fling, that we might actually have something in common. Not what I really want for one night's worth of company.
The whole thing's normally so simple. Go to a nightclub, pick up a guy, take him home, have a drink, etc. Just don't think that what you kick out of bed in the morning might have feelings or friends. Looking at him, I feel almost guilty.
There's another girl eyeing him from across the bar. I wave him off with a quick excuse about tiredness and watch him as he goes to her. She's young, blonde and pretty, with the whole of life ahead of her. His hand in hers, they leave together as I watch. I shake my head and smile, vaguely reminicising, and look around the bar for someone else to take to dinner.
© copyright A.Whetton 2002.